In the Potter Household
by agryffindorgal
Summary: A series of one shots with the Marauders and Lily, from James' first time baby-sitting to how he finally stole Lily's heart...
1. Harry's First Word

**Harry's First Word**

**Summary: James and Harry are home alone when Harry learns a new word- his first word. Let's just say Lily won't be too happy... Shit.**

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><p>Lily Potter had gone out for the day. She had a few errands to run, leaving James and Harry alone. "Be good, you two," she had said before she left with a <em>pop.<em>

"Well looks like its just you and me," James said grinning, as he affectionately ruffled Harry's hair.

Harry giggled.

"Right so," James, who had never been alone with Harry, felt uncertain of what he should do. "Er, how about a trick? You like tricks, don't you Harry?" Not giving Harry a chance to respond, he pulled out his wand from his back pocket. Then, with a flick of his wrist, red sparks flew out of his wand. Harry clapped his hands together in delight.

James smiled and then attempted to do a more complex spell. _Attempted._ The failed trick caused his wand to fly out of his arm and landed on the couch on the other side of the room

"Shit!" James cursed as he scrambled to get his wand.

Harry, momentarily distracted, grinned mischievously. "Shit!" Harry squealed. "Shit, shit, shit." He laughed as the word rolled off his tongue. It was a rather funny word, Harry decided. He liked it.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Harry said again, laughing at James' horrified expression.

"Lily's gonna kill me," he moaned. "Holy shit."

"Shit!" Harry shrieked again. James, realizing his mistake, tried to cover it up. _Where is Moony when I need him,_ James thought to himself. Remus, who always seemed to be good with kids, was recovering from the full moon last night and no matter how desperate James was, he knew he couldn't bother his friend today. The other marauders were as hopeless as James was with kids, so James was all alone. He thought about what Remus usually did with Harry. First James tried to make a fish face, something Remus did often with Harry and that usually made him shriek with delight. Today however, it just made Harry launch into more squeals of "shit!"

Then, he tried to sing one of those muggle nursery rhymes.

Honestly, he never really did understand them—what was so special about a song that was a about a farmer anyway? And he was called Old McDonald too. James always snickered at this—but both Lily and Remus were a firm believer in nursery rhymes, so Harry had grown up with nursery rhymes.

"_Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, How I wonder what you are?_

_Up, up, up in the—_

"Shit, what comes next?" James asked, regretting for the first time, never paying attention to Moony's constant lectures of how nursery rhymes were "essential to a child's development."

"Shit, shit, shit!" Harry chroused, finding joy in the mortified look that had crossed James' face just as Lily apparated into the house.

"Lils," James murmured, trying to cover the trace of nervousness in his voice by pulling her in for a kiss. Nothing got under Lily's nose however and she frowned as she kissed Harry's forehead. "How was your day?" she cooed even though Harry couldn't talk yet. That was, until today. Yup, shit was Harry's first word and even though James couldn't help but feel a twinge of pride at this, when Lily found out, well, James Potter was going to be screwed.

James quietly edged away as Lily continued her greeting of Harry who was babbling some nonsense words, contentedly.

That was until she coddled his butt, which was growing increasingly wet. "And what's Harry got over there?" she cooed.

"Shit," Harry said smiling proudly.

"What was that?"

"Shit," Harry said clearly, enunciating every syllable.

James stifled a laugh, despite himself. His son was going to make a great marauder one day. Lily, however didn't seem amused. "Who taught you that word?" she demanded. The look on her face made James shudder. Thankfully, Harry didn't know any other words so he couldn't possibly tell her who told him, right?

Unfortunately for James, Harry knew how to point and right now his tiny little finger was pointed at James. "Crap," he said fearfully. It was meant to be a whisper, but somehow it traveled to Harry's ears. "Crap!" Harry said, smiling in excitement. "Crap, crap crap!"

Lily's emerald green eyes bore into James' hazel ones. He usually loved her eyes but right he wished they were looking anywhere but at him. "JAMES POTTER!" Lily's screamed in a voice so inhumanly loud James was sure the neighbors had heard. Not that he cared, he could use some rescuing now. When it was obvious that his superhero wasn't coming, James sighed. _Shit, _he thought. _So much for Quidditch tomorrow. _


	2. A Very Potter Christmas

**A Very Potter Christmas**

**Summary: It's Christmas! Harry celebrates with burnt cookies, presents, and becoming a... marauder?**

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><p>Lily Evans woke up to the smell of something burning. Harry wasn't in his crib and fearing the worst, she raced down the steps, two at a time. "James! James-<p>

_Oomph._ She ran right into Sirius. "What are you doing here?" she asked, momentarily distracted.

Sirius ignored the question and instead eyes Lily's outfit. Not having bothered to change, Lily was still in the shorts and tank she usually wore to bed. Lily flushed. "Nice view Evans," Sirius said grinning playfully. Lily smacked him, embarrassed. Then she remembered the reason she was still wearing them in the first place.

"Where's Harry?" she demanded.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Sirius said, smiling at her distressed state. "Harry and Prongs are in the kitchen," he added, casually pointing in the direction of the kitchen.

_Oh no,_ Lily thought, _James and kitchens were not the best combination._

Last year, on their 1-year anniversary, James had decided to cook them special dinner. The food was, to put in nicely, not exactly edible. After all, how would James know that when Lily said she liked exquisite, she didn't mean oatmeal with ketchup, which in case you were wondering isn't the best idea. They ended up ordering take-out that year. The year before, James had wanted to make Lily breakfast in bed because she wasn't feeling too good. Needless to say, Lily claimed that the burnt pancake's soul still haunted the kitchen because he was furious with James' who had made it a disgrace to pancakes.

So that's why when Sirius said James was in the kitchen with Harry, Lily panicked. Like full out _panicked. _

Sirius laughed, "Don't worry Flower, Remus is in there with him too." Lily sighed in relief. Remus at least could be trusted when it came to the kitchen.

"So is Peter here too?" Lily asked, having calmed down a bit.

Sirius frowned a bit. "Actually no. He's seemed a bit off ever since we've left Hogwarts. Poor bloke just lost his mum though so who can blame him?" Lily nodded in understanding. "Well Flower guess it's just you and me now," he says wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, trying to lighten the atmosphere. It worked. Lily laughed and Sirius smiled just as Remus and James emerged from the kitchen.

Lily grinned at the sight of her husband. He was wearing a flowered-apron (one of Lily's), flour covering him from head to toe, his glasses askew as he struggled to keep a plate of burnt cookies in one hand while balancing Harry on his waist but Harry kept sliding off. At the sight of Lily his face lit up, and carefully placing the cookies one the dining table he rushed to give her a hug.

"Merry Christmas," she murmured as she took Harry from him.

"Mama," he cried and Lily smiled at him, giving him a peck on the forehead. Their little moment was interrupted however by Padfoot's oddly girl-like shriek, "PRESENTS!"

The five of them headed into the living room where an evergreen tree stood. Underneath it of course were,

"PRESENTS!" Sirius screamed again this time joined by James. Remus just shook his head fondly as the boys started to sort out their presents.

"C'mon Moony, join the fun!" James said as he looked greedily at his rather large pile of presents. Remus sighed and started to sort his presents in a more _civil _manner.

A few minutes and a lot of present sorting later, the boys looked expectantly at Lily- or rather the bundle in Lily's arms.

"Well c'mon then Flower, it's time for 'lil dude to open his gifts. What'd ya say?" Harry giggled in excitement as he crawled over to James.

The first gift he got was a bib that said "daddy's boy" on it from James. Lily rolled her eyes at this and showed James her gift to Harry which was a jumper that said, "Mummy's boy." James didn't say anything but Lily was sure she heard him mutter "git," when he thought she wasn't listening.

Next was Remus. He'd gotten Harry a DVD with nursery rhymes. Sirius, who's never seen a DVD before thought the DVD was a flattened donut and almost put it in his mouth much to Harry(who had plenty of exposure to muggle things)'s amusement. Not that this surprised anyone. Sirius would eat practically anything if it stood still long enough.

Peter had gotten Harry a bag of chocolate frogs, one of Harry's favorites. Finally, after everyone's gifts to Harry had been opened only Sirius' was still left. He had insisted that his gift was to be opened last.

Everyone watched in anticipation as Harry tore open the paper. A book fell out. James glanced at his friend, disappointment evident on his face. "Aw Paddy I thought we both agreed that books were a bit beneath us?"

Before Sirius could answer Lily screamed, "SIRIUS BLACK! WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING? WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE!" Lily's shriek rang loud and clear and there's no mistaking that Sirius is in trouble. _Big _Trouble.

Sirius smiles sheepishly at Lily who had steam coming out of her ears. Jame couldn't help but think she looked quite sexy with her fiery red hair whooshing as she swooped down on a rather frightened Sirius. _Help me,_ he mouthed to James. But James was distracted. He'd just seen a piece of parchment fall out of the suspiciously innocent looking book. As he read it, he chuckled. _Sirius was really going to get it this time._

_Dear Harry,_

_Even though I know Lily doesn't think so, I know you're going to lead the next generation of marauders because well, Hogwarts couldn't have possibly thought they'd get rid of us so fast. And as much as I love to make kids (if you know what I mean) I don't have a son and therefore this duty will fall completely on you. I'm counting on you to make Hogwarts hell for all those Slytherins. Here's the vow we came up with fifth year. We are counting on you. Oh, and remember, w_e are marauders. We don't chase girls. Girls chase us.__

_Love,_

_Your Uncle Paddy _

_T__he Marauder Vow_

_I (insert name) hereby swear that from this day (insert date) I will carry out the faithful duties of a marauder. I will never join be friendly to a Slytherin and will keep my fellow marauders' secrets as if they were my own (unless my name is Wormtail who can't keep his mouth shut for five seconds no matter whose secret it is in which case I will keep my marauders' secrets as if there was duct tape on my mouth). I will never regret a detention and will always annoy Minerva McGonagall, when possible. I will also never follow a rule or do what am I told to do especially if told by Lily Evans, who we think is a talking tiger in disguise. I will also have lots of fun—both ways. I will never be too serious (unless I'm Sirius, who is a very sexy beast). _

_And with that... I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good (sign here)_

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><p>Harry looked at the piece of paper in his hand as a tear dropped onto the paper. What had become of the marauders? His thoughts drifted to Peter Pettigrew, the man who's betrayed his parents, the reason there were no marauders. So much for<em> 'I will keep my fellow marauders <em>_secrets,' _he thought bitterly. But as a marauder Harry knew, the man deserved at least some good thought to his name. So he decided Peter was the bittersweet one, a good friend of his parents that had met an end that he deserved.

He thought of Remus, the werewolf who had been nothing but kind to Harry, the one who's son was Harry's godchild. He thought of Sirius, his own godfather, the one who had been the father Harry desperately longed for. And lastly, Harry thought of his dad, the marauder he'd gotten to know the least, yet the one he wanted to know the most. Gingerly, he pocketed the piece of parchment. The marauders would be remembered Harry would make sure of that. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs might be dead but their memory would live on and with those thoughts in mind, Harry apparated to his own family.

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><p><strong>So what did you guys think of the whole Harry thing at the end? As always, please leave me a review and if you have any other one shot ideas that would be great too :)<strong>


	3. Lily's Birthday

**Lily's Birthday**

**Today is Lily's birthday! Yay *does fangirl squeal* so i figured that I'd post a one shot for her. So anyway presenting... Lily's Birthday, a one-shot *trunpets blow***

**Summary: It's Lily Evans Birthday and James gets Lily... coffee?**

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><p>It was Lily Evans birthday. For once she wanted to wake up in peace. But being married to James Potter, it wasn't possible.<p>

"LILY LILY LILY!" James screamed.

"What James?" She muttered groggily.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Then he started to sing which would have been sweet had it not been 8 o'clock on the morning. _8 o'clock in the morning!_ Who woke up that early? Lily certainly didn't.

"Go away," she muttered, half opening her eyes. James looked crestfallen as his grin slid off his face. Lily could swear that her heart almost broke at his expression. Only James could get her like that. Sighing she stretched her arms, "C'mere," she said. Quickly, James crawled into her arms. "Thank you," she said.

"Do you want to see your gift?" James asked tentatively as if approaching a sleeping dragon. Lily could be a bit temperamental in the morning.

Her honest answer was no but seeing his expression she couldn't say that. Slowly she nodded.

He grinned. Suddenly he looked a bit shy. He ruffled his hair as he left the room to get god knows what. When he came back he was grinning again. He was hiding something behind his back. "Close your eyes," he said. Lily rolled her eyes at his childishness but obliged. She felt James slip a cup-like object in her hand. She opened her eyes. In her hand was a plastic cup, with a brown liquid in it that smelled suspiciously like coffee.

"Er- James?" Lily asked uncertainly holding the cup as far away from her as possible. After 10 years, she'd become slightly wary of James' tricks.

"Well give it a try!" he urged.

Slowly, Lily took a small sip as if it might explode at any moment. Knowing James, it very well might.

It tasted like coffee. "Isn't it amazing?" he asked jumping up and down like a five year old that had, had too much candy. "I found it the other day. It tastes a bit bitter but it wakes you up in the morning so I thought you might like it. I forgot what it's called." He continues jumping up and down, his glasses askew.

"It's called coffee, James," Lily said, patiently. "Honestly, how much did you have of this stuff anyways?"

James looked uncertain. "I dunno- maybe five or six cups," he scratched his head. Then he paused, "How did you know what it's called?"

"It's a _muggle_ drink. I used to drink it all the time at home." Lily said, smiling a bit. James' grin slid off his face. "I'm sorry Lily. I thought you might like it. I didn't know it was a muggle thing. Don't worry though—I'll get you something else. I—"

Lily cut off his rambling with a kiss. When they broke apart, she smiled. "I loved the gift. Thank you so much." James was a bit taken aback by her sweetness. The Lily _he_ knew wasn't exactly the most pleasant person in the morning.  
>"You liked it? Oh that's good." He started to regain his enthusiasm. "Oh I gave Harry some too, I hope you don't mind. He really liked it."<p>

"Yeah, that's great," Lily said. Then, she processed what he'd said. "YOU WHAT? YOU GAVE MY SON COFFEE? HOW MUCH DID YOU GIVE HIM? WHAT IF HE DIES? WHAT IF-" Lily was cut off by Harry coming into the room bubbling happily. He jumped up and down then fell flat on his butt. He repeated this process a few times. It became clear that Harry had had a lot of coffee. "MOMMY!" he squealed, trying to jump into her arms and failing miserably.

"JAMES POTTER!" Lily screamed. "HOW DARE YOU!"

James grinned to himself. Now this was the Lily Evans he knew.

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><p><strong>So thoughts, criticism, more one shot ideas? REVIEW =)<strong>


	4. What Makes Ice Melt

**What Makes Ice Melt**

**Hey guys :) So here's my next one-shot :) And while you're here mind checking out my other fic?**

**Summary: What made Lily's heart finally melt? Was it the cheesy pick-up lines? Or was it something else?**

**DISCLAIMER: I ship Romione- need I say more? (if you don't know what I'm talking about look up JK Rowling interview, you'll find something)**

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><p><strong>First Year<strong>

"Hey Evans!"

She knew that voice too well. "What _Potter_?"

He panted as he struggled to catch up to her. "My love for you is like a diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."

"Honestly, Potter at least _try_ to be romantic!"

"Something more romantic, huh? Hey Paddy, she said she wants something more romantic!"

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><p><strong>Second Year<strong>

"Evans."

"Potter."

"Well I just wanted to say that if I was a photographer, you'd be my first photo."

Lily scoffed. "Well if I was a plastic surgeon, you'd be my first patient."

James let out a loud whoop. "Remus, I think she liked that one. Thanks bro."

Remus sighed in exasperation. "Do you even know what a plastic surgeon is?"

"It's a good thing right?"

Remus grinned slightly at James' oblivious expression as he explained what a plastic surgeon was. James paused for a second, letting the information sink into his head and then said, "But my face is so pretty!"

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><p><strong>Third Year<strong>

"Say Evans..."

"Now what?"

"Patience, love."

"Sorry I'm running low. Mind lending me some? Oh wait you don't have any."

"Feisty, I like it," James grinned as he dodged the slap Lily sent him. "Anyway, do you have a licence? Because you're driving me crazy."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Taking muggle studies, Potter?"

"Why yes Lily dear I am. I should know about my future girlfriend's family after all. Impressed?"

"Not really Potter. See, I have a psychology licence but you're far too gone. My apologies," she said, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Only a goner for you, dear!"

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><p><strong>Fourth Year <strong>

"Lilykins," James sang out.

"I've told you not to call me that!"

James ignored her. "If I could rearrange the alphabet-

"Which you can't."

-I'd put U and I together."

"That's a pity Potter. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put the F and U together."

And with that she stalked off, leaving James looking starstruck.

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><p><strong>Fifth Year<strong>

"Padfoot, I think I'm in love."

"Then tell her, man."

"Right," James paused for a second. "HEY FLOWER!" Sirius winced from his spot next to James.

"What kind kind of cheesy pick up line do you have now, Potter?"

"That face of yours Flower, it must turn a few heads."

"Yeah and that face of yours Potter? It must turn a few stomachs."

She turned away. "Hey Paddy?"

"Yea Prongsy?"

"You know how I said I think I'm in love? Now I know it."

"Mate, you're so whipped."

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><p><strong>Sixth Year<strong>

James grinned as he saw Lily on her way to transfiguration, looking sexy as ever. He just couldn't resist.

"Hey can I get into your knickers, Evans?"

Lily made a disgusted noise as her friend Alice laughed next to her. Finally she said, "Sorry Potter but there's already an asshole in there."

James grinned. There was something special being rejected by Lily Evans. "Don't you worry, I'll get you some day Lily."

Lily rolled her eyes but when his back was turned she smiled slightly.

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><p><strong>Seventh Year<strong>

"Hey Lily?"

"Yeah?"

James sighed as he thought of his carefully planned out speech. "I don't like you anymore."

"Is that so?" she looked interested.

James took a deep breath. "Yeah, well I was just thinking. I think my mind is sending me a signal to stop talking to you." He ruffled his hair, looking slightly flustered and slightly bemused. "It's rather strange really, but every time I talk to you my heart starts speeding up, and I feel a bit dizzy. Like now. My palms get all sweaty and I can't think straight. So I'm going to listen to my head-

He was cut off by Lily's lips on his. Despit what he'd just said, he kissed her back. Lily smiled into the kiss.

Because maybe it wasn't the pick up lines and the compliments. Maybe it was something more. Maybe it was something more... _James. _Maybe_ that_, is what made ice melt.

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><p><strong>So what did you guys think? I know this wasn't about Harry but I really wanted to do it :) Review?<strong>


	5. Mischief Managed

**Mischief Managed**

**And I'm back with another one-shot. This one is mostly James and Sirius and it's angsty. But it came into my head and I had to write it. Sorry if it's too cheesy but R&R?**

**Summary: Sirius goes to visit James' grave. What happened to all they promised each other?**

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><p>I wanted to come see you. Before I went and killed that blasted Pettigrew. What do I say though? <em>Hey James, Wish you weren't dead. Love Sirius. <em>I almost laugh at the incredulity.

But what _do _I say? I miss you mate. More than you could ever know. I never was much for words but I couldn't leave without coming here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here to help me be Sirius, the guy who could make everyone laugh. Because you aren't the only one that died on the 31st. I did too. You should see me. I look worse than you did on those nights after Evans rejected you.

And the promises. You broke all our promises. Because I thought we promised.

I thought we promised to stay best mates forever.

_"You know what Paddy?"_

_"What Prongsie?"_

_"You're my best mate."_

_"You know what Prongsie?"_

_"What Paddy?"_

_"You're my best mate too." I made a gesture to hug you, but then before you could hug me back, I ran off, laughing._

_"When you're ready, come and get it!" I yelled. _

_You grinned and soon we were chasing each other around the Quidditch field, not a care in the world, thinking life would be like this forever. _

Well guess what? I'm here and you're there. So much for forever.

I thought we promised. To always be there for each other.

_I burst into your room at 2:00am. You were awake staring out the window. When you saw me, your brow furrowed. "Sirius? Alright?" _

_"My family kicked me out," I said, awkwardly. _

_I looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to ask what I was doing here. But you didn't. Instead you said, "Well what are you waiting for? Go to sleep," you gestured at the other bed, the one you always left empty for me; it was our way of saying I'm always here for you. And that was all I needed that night._

But where are you right now James? When I need you the most? The tears are falling freely now but you aren't there.

I thought we promised. To laugh forever.

_"So you're not mad about the whole death eater thing?" I asked, uncertainly._

_"Of course not," you wiped a fake tear away. "How could you think that? I will never ever leave you Paddy."_

_I wiped a fake tear away too. "I love you Prongsie boo."_

_"I love you too, Paddy boo."_

_We dissolved into fake sobs, and when we could no longer keep the act up, we started giggling. Soon we were in a fit of hysterics at our whole fake tear act._

Well you know what _Prongsie Boo? _This time the tears aren't fake.

I can practically hear you in my head. And that's when I remember. The last promise.

_"You two are never serious," Lily said rolling her eyes._

_I just grinned. "But I'm Sirius!" _

_"That joke is so old Black," she said. "And you know what I mean. You'd probably play a prank at each other's funerals. Honestly." With that she'd stalked off. _

_"She's so hot," you said looking at her retreating back longingly. "Sometimes all I want to do grab her and shag her."_

_"You know that wouldn't be a bad idea," I said thoughtfully._

_"What? Shagging Evans?"_

_"No, playing a prank at your funeral."_

_"Whatever you say, mate," you said, still looking at Evans like a lost puppy._

But I had promised myself that day. And we've had too many broken promises today.

Without, thinking I take my wand out and start murmuring spells. Soon there's an image of a flaming unicorn in the sky.

_We were drunk. "I'm so hot," I slurred._

_You grinned. "But I'm hotter. I'm as hot as a flaming unicorn."_

_"Keep on believing Prongs. I'm hotter than a flaming unicorn any day 'cuz I'm as hot as a flaming hippogriff!"_

As the unicorn starts to trot in the sky, I smile, for the first time in days. Because I know that you'll be here for me forever, in heaven or not. Because we can still laugh together even if we're not in the same place. And because you are my best mate and a silly, little thing like death can't change that. I suppose I'll die too one day, in a gravestone like yours. There's just one thing that'll be different. Mine will always be hotter.

_Mischief Managed. _


	6. A Hero's Start

**A Hero's Start**

**Summary****: Every hero starts somewhere. How did Harry start?**

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><p>"He looks awful," Sirius commented, looking at the bloody mess in front of him. "No godson of mine can go around looking like that. It'll be a disgrace to my name!"<p>

Lily sighed exasperatedly. "Sirius, I already told you, you are not godfather."

Remus nodded in agreement. "She's right, you know, _I'm_ godfather."

Peter shook his head. "If anyone's godfather it's me."

James rolled his eyes at the three guys he called his best mates. They were ruining the birth of his son! _His _son. The one he'd had with _Lily Evans_, who was now Lily Potter. It was a miracle he was here in the first place, alive.

"You know, I think I remember telling Alice this one time that if I ever had James Potter's child the world would end." Lily said, smiling slightly.

"I remember that," Alice piped up from the corner.

Sirius screamed. "THE WORLD'S GONNA END!" He grabbed James into a bear hug. "MATE, I LOVE YOU!" Then he went around giving the others a hug, whilst frantically looking up at the ceiling, as if it might crumble any minute.

Just then, a healer walked in, only to be greeted by a bone-crushing hug from Sirius. "HEALER WOMAN! THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!" The healer, who was a rather young, attractive woman, looked rather shocked.

"Maybe I should come in later?" she said questioningly.

"No it's fine," James said, gasping from the effort of pulling Sirius away from the poor healer. "He's just a bit, er, hyper."

When James finally succeeded, Sirius broke into more wails of how the world was going to end.

"Mate, listen, the world isn't going to end," Remus said, calmly.

"It isn't?" Sirius asked innocently. Remus shook his head. "JAMESIE, FLOWER CHEATED ON YOU IT ISN'T YOUR CHILD!" Then he started screaming at Lily, who looked amused. "FLOWER HOW COULD YOU, AFTER ALL THIS TIME?" He continued yelling, until Remus finally explained to him that the world was neither ending nor had Lily cheated on James, and everything was fine.

The healer, who still looked a bit shaken said, "So have you chosen a name?"

James looked slightly confused. "A name?"

"Yes James," Lily said patiently. "It's what'd we'd call our child. Because as much as I love calling him baby, I'd like something that will last through his later years."

James nodded, still looking slightly lost. "Of course."

"Well I'll leave you all at it. And if you get the chance, please pick godparents too."

Lily smiled appreciatively. "Thank you." The healer left the room leaving the room in silence.

James decided to break it by saying, "So what should we name the kid?"

To no one's surprise, Sirius answered first "Bambi!"

Lily looked mildly surprised. "How do you know who Bambi is?"

Sirius shrugged. "I used to watch a bunch of those muggle things—it got on my parents nerves."

This made Lily laugh. She could imagine Sirius doing something like that. "Anyway, why Bambi?"

"Well 'cause Flower, you're a doe and Prongs is a stag. Together you make Bambi," he said this as if it were obvious.

"Sirius mate, I hate to break it to you, but my son is not going to be called Bambi."

"But James—

Sirius was cut off by several cries of '_Silencio!_' Now that was better, James though, satisfied.

"Any other ideas?"

"How about Siremus Jameter?"

Lily looked confused. "What?"

"Sirius Remus James Peter. It's a mix of all our names." James smiled proudly.

Lily shook her head quickly. "Certainly not."

"Why not?" Peter whined. "It sounds like a great name to me."

"I think Remus or John might sound nice," Remus suggested nonchalantly.

James grinned. "But Lils yells so much at both of you, it'd be hard to tell who she's yelling at."

"Hm, then maybe we should do Sirius?" Sirius suggested, now that he had his voice back.

"Hate to break it to you but Lily yells even more at you."

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

Sirius looked terrified. "Yes Lily dear?"

"_What_ did you write on my son's forehead?" she asked, in a dangerously calm voice.

"Er, well if you could read dear, it says sexy beast—"

This was all he got out before Lily attempted to lunge at him. The key word being _attempted_. James and Alice, being the good people they were held her back, whether this was more for Lily's sake or Sirius', no one knows.

"So does anyone else have name ideas?" Peter asked, in an attempt to divert the attention from the now fuming Lily.

"How about Fluffy?" Alice asks.

"Er, why?" James asked, looking slightly repulsed at the idea of having a son named Fluffy.

"BECAUSE HE'S SO FLUFFY!" Lily exclaimed. Everyone looked at her strangely but didn't say anything.

"Any _other_ ideas?" James asked, desperately. He was beginning to lose hope, thinking that maybe his son would get stuck with a name like Fluffy or Bambi. And that wouldn't fare well with the ladies. They liked their men manly, after all. James would know.

"How about Google?" Peter asks. "You know, so he can be smart like Lily."

James, who did not know what Google was, ignored this.

Just then, the healer came in. "So have you chosen a name? We're printing the birth certificate."

Everyone looked between James and Lily uncertainly.

"How about Harry?" Lily said, thinking fast. "James?"

James mulled over the name in his head. Harry Potter. He supposed it was alright. It was better than Fluffy at any rate. He nodded to show his consent.

"And a middle name?"

"James." Lily said this with more certainty.

James felt mildly pleased as the healer wrote this all down. Harry James Potter. It had a nice ring to it.

"And who would you like to be the godparents?"

"I think Alice can be godmother," James said, speaking up. Alice smiled appreciatively.

"And godfather—

"ME, ME, ME!" Sirius yelled, jumping up and down. "PLEASE LILY FLOWER PICK ME PICK ME!"

Lily sighed. "Just shut up will you, Sirius."

"ONLY IF YOU MAKE ME GODFATHER!"

James shared a look of defeat with Lily.

"PLEASE JAMESIE POO PICK ME PICK ME!"

"Let's make a deal," Lily said, smiling despite herself. "If you shut up for ten minutes, we'll make you godfather." From the corner, Harry gurgled.

Sirius grinned. "OKAY!"

"And your time starts now."

Sirius nodded, but not before he'd hugged both Lily and James and thanked them repetitively. Then, like the good boy he was, he sat in the corner, not making a sound. It was almost too good to be true. _Almost._ Because after the ten minutes were up, well, it was back to the yelling and screaming that had become a daily part of life for the Lily and James, and soon it would be for their son too.

So that is how Harry James Potter came to be—because, hey, every hero starts somewhere.

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><p><strong>And that wraps this one up :) Review?<strong>


	7. Bedtime Stories

**Bedtime Stories**

**Summary: Lily asks James to put Harry to sleep so James decides to tell his son a little bedtime story**

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><p>James smiled softly at the black haired, green eyed thing he was proud to call his son. Gurgling happily, Harry Potter was looking up at his father with what looked like a mixture of interest and admiration.<p>

"James?" Lily called from the doorway, yawning and stretching. "I'm a bit sleepy, would you mind putting Harry to bed?"

James nodded, not taking his eyes away from his son. _His_ son. _He's rather handsome_, James thought to himself. And how could he not be? With the most handsome guy on earth as his dad and the most beautiful woman on earth as his mum, this guy was going to be a heartbreaker. James grinned to himself. Every heartbreaker needed some tips though, James figured.

"Hm, let me tell you a story." James said to Harry. Harry giggled in consent, his green eyes lighting up. _Lily's eyes. _

"One day there was a devilishly handsome young lad names James Potter." James began. "He had almost everything he wanted. Almost. But there was this one thing that no matter how hard James tried, he couldn't get it. Or rather her. She was Lily Evans and she hated him." Harry's eyes were wide, watching James closely. "Still, James wanted her and so he didn't give up. He kept on trying. Every day he tried to woo her. Sometimes he'd blackmail her."

_"Evans!"_

_"Potter."_

_"Go out with me. Or else."_

_"Oh no I'm so scared. Potter threatened me." She rolled her eyes._

_He ignored this. "Or else I'll tell everyone you like that greasy haired git, Snivelly."_

James smiled at the memory. "Needless to say, the next day James was in the Hospital Wing, with fungi growing between his toes. So then James decided to take some advice from his good friend, Sirius. He decided to sing her a song."

_"Hey Lily, wait up!"_

_"What do you want Potter?" she asked exasperatedly. "No I will not go to Hogsmeade with you!"_

_"Maybe this will change your mind." And with that he started to sing. "She's as fiery as a tiger, as pretty as a figer—_

_"What the heck is a figer?"_

_He shrugged. "It was the only thing that rhymed with tiger."_

"And that was as far as James got before he was in the Hospital Wing sporting neon pink hair and no ability to speak." Harry cooed and shook his head a bit. James grinned down at his son. "So then James took some advice from his _other_ good friend, Remus. Remus told James to give Lily some compliments that are a bit more romantic because girls don't like to be told they're as fiery as a tiger. He told James to say something about how pretty Lily was, like they do in these muggle things, called movies. So James tried that."

_"Hey Flower!" he called._

_"What now Potter?"_

_"I just wanted to say that you look mighty fine today."_

_She scoffed. "Lay off."_

_He grinned. "But you look so sexy Flo—_

"After that, James landed up in the Hospital Wing, yet _again_, this time with smoke coming out of his mouth when he spoke." Harry smiled contentedly, his eyes drooping.

"But _then_ James tried a different method." Lily's angelic voice came from the doorway, causing James to almost jump up in surprise. He thought she'd left. Her red hair was now tied in a messy bun and James' breath hitched. She continued, "He became more mature, deflated his head a bit, he even became head boy." Lily's electric green eyes softened.

_She stared at the boy across from her. Why was she feeling so funny around him? What was it about him that was making her dizzy, her stomach doing flip-flops, and her mouth unable to form cohesive words? Her friends had suggested she was sick. And maybe she was. Except this wasn't an ordinary sickness._

"After that, _Lily _was in the one in the Hospital Wing, because she was lovesick." Lily smiled gently. "They say, if a Potter wants something, he always gets it. And in the end, James Potter got Lily too."

"And he shagged her too. You mustn't forget that." James added helpfully, smirking a boyish smirk.

Lily smacked him, causing James to grin widely. _Some things would never change. _

* * *

><p><strong>Yay for another one shot! This one's a bit shorter than the others but I hope you like it. Anyway, tomorrow is Ron's birthday! In case you didn't know I'm a HUGE Ronald Weasley fan so I'm super excited! Haha but anyway leave me some feedback please?<strong>


	8. Meet the Parents

**Meet the Parents**

**Summary: James meets Lily's parents. Some things are just not meant to be**

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><p>"I can't do this Lily, I'm sorry," James said. His palms clammy, heart pounding James stood in front of the Evans home.<p>

"Yes you can," Lily insisted. "They're gonna love you." And with one last push, James somehow found himself ringing the doorbell to Lily's house.

Not even five seconds later, Ms. Evans opened the door, wearing a cocktail dress and obviously very excited. Her face lit up when she saw James. "You must be James! I'm Lily's mother." With that she ushered James into the house, Lily following close behind.

Inside, there was a man standing in the corner, who introduce himself as Mr. Evans. He wore a gruff, don't-mess-with-me look, but it softened as his eyes met Lily's. "And how's my favorite Lily Flower?" he asked, ruffling her hair affectionately. Lily smiled as she hugged her father. "I'm good daddy."

"So why don't you two head over to the living room?" Mrs. Evans suggested. "Petunia will be there. Dinner will be ready in half an hour."

Lily nodded and dragged James into a room adjacent to the entrance hall. It was a cozy little room with pictures of Lily and another girl who James assumed to be Petunia on the mantel. There was one of Lily and Petunia when they were about five. The two girl were laughing as Lily popped a bubble…

"You must me that Potter boy," a haughty voice interrupted him. He turned around to find himself face to face with what could only be Petunia Evans. Petunia gave a sniff and for a second James thought she might have been sniffing him but he quickly pushed this thought out of her mind. Petunia wasn't a dog, Sirius was.

"And you must be that Petunia girl," James responded, in a calm voice that gave away no signs of his nervousness.

The two's rather stiff exchange was interrupted by a rather loud crash. Petunia shrieked. James jumped at the sight in front of him. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew were standing in the fireplace covered in soot.

"What are you _doing_ here?" James moaned.

Sirius grinned. "We thought we'd give you some support. You are after all meeting _the_ parents."

Remus nodded. "Yeah, and we figured if they don't like you, at least they'll like your friends."

James just groaned and Lily looked horrified.

"Well who's this lovely lady here?" Sirius asked, giving Petunia a flirtatious smile. "I'm Sirius Black, by the way," he gave her his most charming smile.

However, just like Lily, Petunia seemed unaffected by the marauder charm. Instead, she slapped Sirius across the face and stalked off.

"What a pity," Sirius said, sadly. "She would have had a nice arse if her foot wasn't so deep in it." It was Lily's turn to smack him.

Suddenly, Sirius' eyes glinted with mischief. The even more disturbing thing was Remus was wearing the same look. The two shared a quick glance before Sirius let out a loud moan. It sounded suspiciously girl-like. "Oh Jamesie, you make me feel so good."

"Well, baby, I've had some practice," Remus winked as he said this, in a deep, husky voice. Lily and James stared, their jaws wide open.

Sirius, 'Lily' let out a shrill giggle just as the door crashed open to reveal a fuming Mr. Evans. The scene did not look good. The Marauders seemed to have disappeared and it didn't help that both James and Lily's faces were flushed red.

"What. Are. You. Two. Doing." Mr. Evans' voice thundered and James winced, unconsciously.

"Nothing daddy," Lily said, in her most innocent voice.

This time however, Mr. Evans didn't soften. "I'm keeping my eye on you, boy," he said in a dangerously low voice, sending daggers at James, who gulped loudly.

"Yes sir," he said, his voice shaking. James let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as soon as Mr. Evans left the room.

"Your daddy is scary," James said, shuddering. The Marauders chose this moment to emerge from under James' Invisibility Cloak, wearing identical grins. James turned on them, eyes flashing. "And _you_! You guys just ruined this whole thing for me!"

Sirius had the decency to look slightly abashed. "Don't worry mate. We'll make it up to you."

James growled. "You better. I want my future wife's dad to like me."

Lily blushed and James, realizing what he's said quickly said, "Not that like we're gonna get married, I mean we _are_ but like not right _now,_ unless you want to of course, that wouldn't be a problem either, just like don't worry and—

James' rambling was cut off by Mrs. Evans walking in. "Well dinner is ready and well," she glanced at James' friends. "Lily, who's this?"

Lily looked terrified. "Well mum, these are my, well James' friends."

If Mrs. Evans was surprised, she didn't show it. "Well, be a good host then." Her mother scolded. "Show them to the parlor."

Lily nodded, relieved and slightly apprehensive. "Right, er—

"FOOD!" Sirius squealed, running off in the direction of the parlor. The others followed Lily, used to Sirius' weirdness by now.

James couldn't help but notice how casual Lily's family was. In his family, everyone ate with napkins on their lap, food was served from the left, and almost no one spoke. Here, everyone was eating as they pleased, and James could see where Lily got her bad table manners. He was almost _comfortable_ here. But then…

"So James, when are you proposing?"

James almost choked on the piece of chicken he'd been eating. "Er, what?"

"Proposing," Petunia said in a matter-of-fact voice. "You know when the boy gives the girl a ring, declares his love for her, and all that stuff."

"I know what proposing _is_," James said slightly irritated. "It's just, Lily and I aren't ready yet."

Lily's eyes took on a mischievous glint, not unlike the one Sirius and Remus had worn earlier. "But James? I thought we were, well I thought we were serious." She gave him her best puppy dog face and it took everything in James to not melt right on the spot.

"Well of course we are," James said, hastily. "I love you and…"

"You _love_ her?" Mr. Evans asked sharply. James nodded nervously.

Mrs. Evans, noticing the tense atmosphere decided to steer the conversation. "So Lily what happened to that young lad you'd noticed on your first day of school? Quite the looker wasn't he? You know the one with the unruly black hair that you wanted to run your fingers through and the round glasses…"

Lily kicked her mother from under the table as she turned red. It was James' turn to smirk. The rest of dinner passed in silence. At dessert however, James started to feel a sensation in his bladder, a sensation that meant…

"Got to pee," James managed to choke out. His face heated up.

Lily smiled a bit at James' obvious discomfort. "Here let me show you the bathroom," she said.

The two headed upstairs, before Mr. Evans could protest. "You know," Lily said when they'd reached the upper level. "I think I have to pee too. Let me know if you need anything James." And with that her red hair disappeared behind a bathroom door. James sighed as he stepped into the bathroom. He was distracted however by a sudden ringing sound that seemed to be coming from a… crescent shaped thing. James approached the object cautiously, wondering what a dark object was doing in Lily's home. He picked it up and said in what he hoped was a calm voice that displayed his machoness, "Who's there?"

A female answered. "This is Maria from John's work. Is he there?"

"WHERE ARE YOU? REVEAL YOURSELF! YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT ME BEFORE YOU GET TO LILY'S PARENTS!" James yelled, panicking slightly. He'd never encountered a death eater that chose to communicate through crescent shaped objects. He'd have to notify Dumbledore immediately.

The voice sounded bemused. "Is this some kind of joke? I need to speak to Mr. Evans!"

Just then the door clicked open, to reveal a slightly amused Lily. "James, are you alright?"

"LILY THERE ARE DEATH EATERS HERE! YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR FAMILY OUT!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "James, what you're a holding is called a te-le-phone." she said making sure to enunciate each symbol. "It's used to call people."

James blushed. "Oh," he said, utterly humiliated.

Mr Evans stormed in the bathroom, looking worried. "Was that Maria?" he asked. James nodded meekly. Mr. Evans growled, a sound low in his throat as he lunged for the phone and proceeded to push some buttons that James hadn't noticed before.

And then James peed in his pants.

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><p><strong>Haha poor James. Anyway this one was a bit longer than usual so let me know what you guys prefer. And as always please please please with super hot James on top... Review?<strong>


	9. And then I Realized

**And then I realized **

**Summary: When did James realize he loved Lily? When did Lily realize she loved James? Both at two different times, the fates of two different people meet.**

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><p>James Potter had never seen anything like it. <em>It<em> was the girl. _The girl _was Lily Evans. She was—stunning. Her hair was a vivid color, matching the angry blush on her cheeks. It wasn't red though, it was more like a red-orange, but not even that. It reminded him of coals and fire, of a burnt auburn, of the sunset. And her eyes—they were an electrifying color. James had never seen emerald, but somehow he knew that her eyes were the color of the brightest jewel. They flashed angrily at him and he felt chills run down his back as he let out an involuntary sigh. He'd never seen something so—_alive, _like freezing cold water in the middle of a sweltering day July. He was in love.

"Are you even listening to me James Potter?" she shrieked, her voice was like silk and velvet and…

_SMACK!_

James didn't even feel the slap. He was too busy grinning stupidly at Lily. _She'd touched his cheek,_ he thought to himself contentedly. Lily Evans' beautiful, soft hands had touched his rough, unshaven cheek. James' smile grew wilder.

Sirius looked concerned as Lily stalked off. "Mate, are you okay?" he asked.

James nodded, his hazel eyes dazed. "I've never been better." He grinned a bit. "She just touched my cheek. Last week she wouldn't even look at me. It's definitely an improvement." James nodded to himself.

Sirius just shook his head, half-amused, half-exasperated. "Prongs, I love you, but Merlin knows you're an idiot."

James didn't appear to hear him. "Do you think she'll say yes if I ask her to Hogsmeade next weekend?" he asked.

Sirius, seeing his opportunity for fun, nodded. "She'll probably snog you right then and there!" James, though slightly wary of Sirius' enthusiasm was too distracted too care. He left with a skip in his step in the direction Lily had left, Sirius following not far behind.

"Evans!" He hollered when he got close enough to her. "Hey Evans!"

"What do you want Potter?" she spat. She hadn't turned around but James could imagine the way her emerald eyes would grow wider as anger filled her, a beautiful sight.

"Well I was wondering if you were free this weekend to go on a date to Hogs—

_SMACK!_

For the second time that day, Lily Evans' hand connected with his cheek.

"So is that a no?" he asked uncertainly.

Lily rolled her eyes and almost smiled at James' obliviousness. She quickly covered this with a scowl as she started to walk away.

"Evans! Come back!" James yelled, trying to catch up with her. "We haven't even decided a place yet!" he said desperately. "And stop walking so bloody fast!" Lily just walked faster.

James sighed in defeat, still clutching his cheek, gazing dreamily at Lily's retreating figure. "I'm gonna marry her someday." He said seriously.

"In your dreams Potter!" Lily called out.

James grinned, ruffling his hair. There was something special about being rejected by Lily Evans. As the clicking sound of Lily's heels faded away, and Sirius shook his head, James had never been happier. He made a quick mental note to make Lily Evans mad more often. There really was nothing like it.

* * *

><p>Lily Evans sighed at the piece of paper in her hand. It said:<p>

_What I Want for Christmas_

_1. __Chocolate Frogs_

_2. __Quidditch skills_

_3. __Book- Charismatic Charms_

_4. __James Potter_

Number four particularly bothered her. Never had she thought, that _she _Lily Evans, the stuck-up swot would ever fancy that arrogant prat, James Potter. It just didn't work that way. But now... Yawning, she placed the note on the table next to her, too absorbed to notice that James Potter himself had plopped down next to her and was reading the list with interest. When he reached number four, a mischievous grin spread across his face.

Lily, still oblivious, got up and stretched unaware that she was giving James a marvelous view. Then, with another yawn she headed upstairs, her red hair flying behind her. She got changed into her pajamas, the rest of her friends were already asleep, looking forward to opening Christmas presents the next day. But as Lily cuddled into bed, something haunted her mind. She felt like she was missing something… Something important… Lily groped her mind for answers but none came.

She tried to figure what she'd done that day. _She'd gone out in the snow with Marlene and then she'd gone to the Great Hall... Then she'd headed to the common room and had been writing her Christmas list and then she'd put it on the table to stretch and then she'd… left it there. _

Lily jerked up and groaned. Silently hoping that no one had seen it, she crept down the stairs, careful not to wake up her dorm mates.

Downstairs, Lily did a double take. James Potter was sitting on the sofa by the fire with a huge red bow on top of his head. He seemed to be asleep. Trying to stifle her giggles and failing, she walked over to him. Just as she was about to sit down, his eyes snapped open.

"Hullo Lily," he said his voice groggy from sleep, his raven-colored, windswept hair even messier than usual.

"Hello James," she said smiling slightly.

"Why are you smiling?" he asked, confused.

"Why do you have a big bow on your head?"

James blushed and Lily almost fell over. _James Potter _never blushed. "Er well, you see…" He trailed off uncertainly.

Lily nodded for him to continue. "I saw your list," he blurted out.

It was Lily's turn to blush. "Oh, w-well, I sh-should be going," she managed to stutter out.

Just as she was about to leave James gently wrapped his arms around her, turning her around. The last coherent thought that went through her mind before their lips touched was, _"I really love James Potter."_

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><p><strong><em>Cheesy? Yeah I know. Anyway hey, <em>**

**_I don't know you,_**

**_And this is crazy,_**

**_But I need some advice,_**

**_So review this, maybe?_**


	10. Limericks and Balls

**Limericks and Balls**

**Summary: It's Lily and James' fifth year of Hogwarts and the school is hosting a Halloween ball. James of course asks Lily, but at what price? Probably a bruise on his head for trying. **

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><p>"So Alice, who are you taking to the ball?" Marlene asked. Lily sighed. She'd been trying to avoid this topic as much as she could. Balls were really not her thing. Especially because James Potter chased away any guy that might potentially ask her out. Prat.<p>

Alice blushed a bright crimson. "Franklongbottom," she mumbled under her breath.

"Who?" Marlene asked. "Speak a little louder, dear."

"Frank Longbottom," Alice said, her voice still barely above a whisper.

"What was that?" Marlene asked putting her hand to her ear. "What did you say?"

"FRANK LONGBOTTOM!" Alice finally screamed in frustration. Everyone turned to look at her. If possible, Alice blushed even more, a color bright enough to rival Lily's hair.

Marlene smirked. "Well now that you've announced that to the entire school," Alice winced, "Lily who are you taking?"

Lily shrugged nonchalantly. "Dunno," she said. "What about you, Marlene? Who are _you_ taking to the ball?"

"Sirius Black," Marlene said, not at all abashed. "But don't try to change the subject. We need to find you a bloke and we need to find him fast, before all the good ones run out. I mean Alice has Frank," Alice flushed, "I have practically every boy in this school," Lily rolled her eyes, "but you Lily, dear. You have yet to find yourself a decent guy."

Lily sighed, as she did every time this conversation came up. What didn't her friends understand about happy and single? "I'm fine, Marlene," Lily said exasperatedly. "Honestly, I don't want any guy."

Marlene pretended not to hear her, as her eyes skimmed the hallway. Her eyes landed on Amos Diggory, a seventh year Hufflepuff. "Hm… how about Diggory?"

Lily choked. "_What_?"

"Hey, he's pretty good looking." Marlene said, completely indifferent to Lily's reaction. "And I heard he's a good snog too," she wiggled her eyebrows, suggestively.

Lily felt her face redden. "I did _not _need to know that," she said hotly.

But before Marlene could retort, the three heard a voice approach them from behind. A very _familiar_ voice. "Hey Evans! Wait up, will you?" _Of course. _It was James Potter. Lily pretended not to hear as she started walking faster, hoping he'd go away. But of course…

"Evans, c'mon! I have something for you!" he yelled, trying to match the infuriatingly long strides she was taking.

Lily sighed, realizing it was no use. Alice grinned as Marlene smirked. "See you at lunch, Lily." Alice said in a sing-song voice.

"There's a broom cupboard right there," Marlene added, and the two walked away in a fit of giggles.

"So what do you want Potter?" Lily asked, turning to him. "And hurry up, I don't have all day."

If James was hurt, he didn't show it. Instead he shot Lily a triumphant grin and pulled out a rumpled piece of paper out of his pocket, clearing his throat. Lily tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for him to continue.

"Well remember how the other day you said you like Muggle literature?" James asked. Lily nodded, vaguely remembering something of that sort.

"Well, I was reading up on that stuff and I discovered something called a," he paused for dramatic effect, "_limerick_."

Lily nodded again, wondering where this was going. "So?"

"So I wrote you one!" James said, struggling to keep his excitement at bay. Lily almost smiled at his child-like innocence. _Almost. _

"Well hurry up," she said, trying to sound irritated.

"I love cookies and everything sweet,

Sitting with Evans on a loveseat,

I love playing with quaffles and the snitch,

Being chaser in a game of Quidditch,

But for now, let's eat!"

James smiled, a self-satisfied smile, as he ruffled his jet black hair. He seemed to do that a lot around Lily.

"Er.." Lily seemed lost for words. "That was…"

James, mistaking her silence, smirked. "Left you speechless didn't I?"

Lily glared at him with those wonderful emerald green eyes of hers. "No, that was the most awful limerick I've ever heard!"

James shrugged, not at all affected by her insult. "Well lucky for you then, 'cause I wrote another one!" And with that he pulled out Parchment #2 from his robe pocket, his hazel eyes twinkling with mischief. "Ahem." Lily groaned as he started to recite:

"I am hardworking like a bee,

A good snog is a guarantee,

When they see me they drop dead,

Because I'm so good in bed,

So will you go to the ball with me?"

James Potter claimed that his head hurts from the book Lily Evans threw at him that day.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes? No? Maybe so? Er that was lame but hey... I tried. Anyway, what's the lamest poem you've ever read?<strong>


	11. Relationship Advice

**Relationship Advice**

**Summary: Girls were not really the Marauders thing. Rip aside the good looks and you'd have just another batch of teenage boys—awkward, overly arrogant and a total loser when it came to girls. Still their seven years of Hogwarts had taught them a few things about their gender counterparts and they decide its time to transfer their knowledge to Harry.**

* * *

><p>"Padfoot?" James sat on the sofa in his living room, a somber expression on his face.<p>

"Prongs?" Sirius sat on the opposite sofa in his best mate's living room, a similarly somber expression on his face.

"I think it's time we give Harry the talk."

Remus, who was sitting with Sirius looked startled. "James, surely he's a bit too young? He barely knows the difference between a woman and a man."

Peter, who was sitting on the same couch as James, looked confused. "What difference?" he asked.

Sirius looked like he wanted to say something but Remus had clamped his hand over Sirius' mouth, effectively shutting off sound.

"Not _that_ talk Moony," James said, as if he had not been interrupted. "I mean the how to get a_ girl_ talk." Him and Sirius exchanged grins. They had been preparing for this since the moment Lily had announced that she was pregnant.

Remus rolled his eyes. "He won't understand a thing you guys say."

Sirius shrugged, not at all bothered. "Well aren't you the one that says that er, um, children, er—

"Children learn best when they're young," James provided helpfully.

"Yeah that," Sirius said, his eyes already sparkling like they always did, before a marauder prank. Even the war couldn't stomp out Sirius' mischievous side.

Remus groaned, regretting ever telling the boys that. Of course when _he'd _said it, he'd meant teaching addition and subtraction, not how to get in a relationship. The poor boy was barely a year old. "Lily won't approve," he said, in a last attempt to sway them. "She might even force you guys to change Harry's nappies." Changing Harry's nappies was a form of torture Lily often used on the boys. At the mention of it, they unconsciously shivered.

James paused for a second, considering what Remus had said and then shrugged. "She's spending the day with Alice. She won't be home 'till night."

"What do you say Peter?" Sirius asked.

Peter looked happy to be involved. "I say we go for it."

James ruffled his hair affectionately. "See, Pete thinks so."

"Three against one!" Sirius yelled, and with that he grabbed Remus who shouted indignantly, and dragged him upstairs to the nursery.

When they finally reached the door, Sirius was panting. "Merlin, Moony," he said, "What on earth have you been eating lately?"

James smirked. "You could have just levitated him, you know."

Sirius glared at him. "Well you _could_ have told me that downstairs."

The two were interrupted by Harry's delighted cry. He had learned a lot of words since his first word of _shit_, and now his vocabulary ranged to 'Moony,' 'Pafoot,' 'Pwongs,' and 'Womtail.'

"Hello Prongslet," Sirius said, giving the young boy a pat on the head. Harry attempted to do the same thing to Sirius but ended up hitting too hard causing Sirius to let out a yelp.

Remus smiled a bit. "Well let's get this over with, yeah?"

James nodded. "So Harry, do you have your eye on any lady yet?" He wiggled his eyebrows, suggestively.

Remus sighed exasperatedly. "James, how many times have we been over this? Harry—

"Relax Moony," James laughed. "I was just poking fun."

"Though while we're on the subject, that Flora girl looked pretty into Harry," Sirius grinned, remembering the family that had visited last night.

"Padfoot!"

"Sorry, sorry," Sirius said his arms up in surrender. "Anyway, let's get to the point. Harry, you ready for the talk of your lifetime?" Harry nodded eagerly. "First of all, you should always be confident in front of a girl. Don't stutter, it's not cool."

Remus let out a cough that sounded oddly like, '_Prongs.' _James blushed.

"If a girl asks if she is fat, never say yes. Even if it's the truth."

"Unless of course, you don't want to be able to walk for a day." Peter said, mournfully.

James nodded in agreement. "Pointy heels in your balls are never good."

Harry nodded, as if in understanding.

"Another thing, never _ever_ mark your territory by stamping her forehead with a spell," Sirius said. Harry shot him a questioning look. Sirius shrugged. "Yeah I thought it was jealousy was supposed to be attractive too."

Peter grinned. "Remember that time when James charmed Lily's head to read, Property of the Very Sexy James Potter?"

Sirius grinned too. "Yeah he was in the Hospital Wing for a week after that one."

James ruffled his hair, an old habit. "I still don't understand why she got mad over that. I thought it was a pretty clever spell. It took me a month to learn it."

Remus rolled his eyes but didn't comment. Harry giggled.

"Hm… what else?" Sirius scratched his head, thinking.

"Never charm a singing quaffle to follow the girls of your dreams. Even if you spent an hour thinking of the lyrics."

"Never tell the Fat Lady to not let a bird in until she goes out with you."

"Never trust your best mate to deliver a message from you." Sirius coughed indignantly.

"Never call her a pet name for a snack."

"Like pumpkin pasty," Peter chimed in helpfully.

"Or cockroach cluster," added Sirius with a snigger.

"That was in third year!" James said, reddening slightly.

"Never tell her she's like the weather because they're both hot. Especially if it's cloudy outside."

"Never give the excuse that you lost your teddy bear to sleep with her. Teddy bears are _not_ manly."

"Hey there's nothing wrong with teddy bears!" James cried.

"Why, do you sleep with one Prongs?" Sirius teased.

"Shut up!" James blushed. "You know I'm emotionally attached to it."

"You sleep with a teddy bear?" Remus asked, looking interested.

Sirius nodded. "He cuddles with it every night. He even gave it a name, right James?" James glared at him. "He named it _Mrs. Prongs._ And he gives it a kiss every night."

"That's enough," James said loudly. "Let's go back to Prongslet here."

Moony, taking pity on the animagus said, "Right. Well always pay her compliments when you can."

James smiled appreciatively at his friend. "If you're ever low on them, ask her if she's a veela in disguise. Works like a charm."

"Isn't that the one you used on Lily?" Peter asked.

"Yeah and then she gave Prongs long blonde hair and a skirt with a sticking charm on it." Sirius added.

"That was completely unnecessary," James said.

Sirius shrugged. "Anyway Prongslet, more relationship advice, let's see. Avoid trying to shag on the first date, don't ask if her family is rich, don't—

"Mommy Fwower!" Harry squealed.

Sirius grinned. "Yeah Prongs did a lot of these to Flower—

"Mommy Fwower!" Harry yelled again.

"Hello there, boys," a voice drifted from behind them. The Marauders turned around in unison and winced. It was Lily. She gave them a pleasant smile. _Too_ pleasant.

James gave her a forced smile in return. "Well aren't you back early, love?"

"Well I decided to come home a bit sooner than expected. You know to make sure you weren't doing_ exactly what you are!"_

James groped for some of the relationship advice they had just gave Harry. "Er, well you're beautiful."

"As pretty as a flower," Sirius said.

"As smart as Einstein." Remus added.

Peter cowered as Lily turned on him. "Er, um, as tasty as a er, marshmallow?"

"Wrong answer, Pettigrew," Lily said with an evil grin. "Well, Harry's nappy is getting a bit stinky, don't you think? So, which one of you boys is first?"

They all gulped.

Girls were _really_ not a Marauder thing.


	12. First Date Disasters

**First Date Disasters **

**Sorry for the lack of update but here's another one XD Thanks to Beyondthesea16 for the idea**

**Summary: Just another one of Lily and James' firsts... It's definitely not love at first date**

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><p>James Potter had never felt so nervous in his life. Sure he'd been nervous when they took the OWLS. He'd probably been a tad scared when the Marauders had pulled off their first prank. Heck, he'd even been nervous on his first full moon as an animagus. But nothing, nothing compared to the nervousness he felt right now because, Lily Evans, the one and only was taking him, <em>him<em>, James Potter on his first date. And not just any date—this was a muggle date.

He got off Sirius' motorcycle (which had taken four hours of convincing and nine boxes of Honeydukes' chocolates to borrow) and looked around. It looked just like any normal wizarding tea shop. Just then, he caught a flash of red on his right. "Lily!" he said, smiling. He reached out to give her a hug but in the process somehow managed to knock over his glasses. He bent over to pick it up, blushing furiously.

"Hello James," she said, mercifully ignoring his clumsiness. She offered his her arm. "Shall we?"

Uncertainly, he took it. "Er… right. So where are we going again?"

"It's a tea shop," Lily said as they made their way across the street. "I thought it would be nice."

James wasn't really listening. He was too caught up in her red hair, her green eyes, her smile, her…

"Er… James?" Lily asked. "Why are you smiling so much?"

"Oh, er I was just thinking of something funny that happened this morning," James said quickly. A bit too quickly.

"Oh really?" Lily asked, sounding curious. "What was it?"

James groped for something even remotely funny that had happened this morning. "Right so Remus said to Peter that 'you eat everything, I bet you'd even eat a er, clown' and Peter was like 'but I wouldn't because they erm, taste funny.' Geddit funny? 'Cuz it's a clown?" He gave her a lopsided grin which he hoped didn't betray any of the nervousness he felt. Luckily, she laughed and James silently complimented his improvisational skills. For seem reason though, James felt she was laughing _at_ him rather than _with_ him. Maybe it was just nerves.

When they got into the tea shop the first thing James noticed was the moving portrait. For some reason, it seemed different than a normal wizarding portrait. For one, it seemed to be a combination of multiple portraits with multiple people. For another, it seemed to have this odd glow to it. "Lily," he nudge her, "why is that portrait glowing?"

Lily tried not to laugh, she really did. The result was something that sounded like a dying goat pretending to be a pig. James shot her a weird look. "It's a," she tried to recover her breath, "It's called a television."

James' face lit up. "I've heard of those fellysision things. Pads has one!"

"Who's Pads?" she asked, her brow furrowing.

"Sirius," James said, blushing at his slip-up.

"You call him Pads?" When James nodded she burst into decidedly un-ladylike snorts. "Sorry," she added seeing James bemused expression. Trying to take the spotlight off herself she asked him, "So why does Black have a television anyway? I thought he was pure blood."

James shrugged. "Gets on his mum's nerves." His eyes drifted to the "fellysision," looking slightly uncomfortable. "Don't you think we're invading on their private life?" He drifted off awkwardly as a particularly graphic make out scene came on screen. Though in James' humble opinion, they looked more like they were eating each other faces off. Perhaps they were cannibals, James mused. His voiced his thoughts out to Lily who for some reason unknown to James, burst into giggles again.

And somehow fell.

On top of a nearby waiter.

Spilling water all over herself.

Blushing furiously, she took the hand James offered her with as much dignity as she could muster, brushing off imaginary dust.

"So let's take a seat," he said, guiding her over to a table and giving an apologetic glance to the flustered waiter.

She nodded and they sat, staring at each other, an awkward silence hanging over them. "So," James said, finally breaking it, "do you like cheese?"

Lily stared at him incredulously. "Er, no actually. Why?"

James shrugged. "Just trying to make conversation. So, why not?"

"Well if I remember correctly, in first year a group of four boys decide that it would be fun to hex my dorm room to smell like cheese for a month." She raised her eyebrows pointedly at James who has the decency to look slightly abashed. "I've rather lost my taste for it after that."

"Well at least one of the four boys was drop dead gorgeous," James said, smirking.

"Oh yes," Lily nodded in agreement, "Sirius is definitely attractive."

_Note to Self- Murder Padfoot later. _

On the outside, James put on an arrogant front, unconsciously ruffling his hair, "Yeah, you sure you're not thinking about someone else?"

Lily gave a mock sigh. "Well I _suppose _Remus is pretty-good looking."

James would have retaliated but he suddenly felt a sharp jab in his stomach. He winced slightly hoping Lily hadn't noticed. But she had. Her brow furrowed. "You okay?" she asked.

"Er," James struggled to form a sentence as he tried to control the sensation that was spreading downward. Horror dawned on him. The sensation was familiar. It was the same sensation that overcame him after his mother made beans for dinner, the same sensation he felt after drinking too much firewhiskey. James Potter needed to fart. He tried to hold it in, he really did but it was too much. With a loud belch and a relieved sigh, James Potter officially met his doom. For he had just farted in front of the girl that he'd spent four years of chasing after. And she was screaming. Probably not a good sign.

Some things were just not meant to be.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	13. Guess the Giant Squid was Taken

**Guess the Giant Squid was Taken**

**Summary: Sirius's best man speech... Need I say more?**

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><p>Sirius cleared his throat loudly, clinking his spoon against his glass to catch everyone's attention. A hush fell over the crowd as he stood up and Lily gave him a warning glare. She had set forth some rules for Sirius' best man speech but Sirius found that every rule had its own… <em>loophole<em>. He smirked at her as he started to speak. "There comes a time in every person's life where they meet someone that changes their life forever. For my mate James here," he patted James on the back, "that moment came when he met me." Sirius grinned as the audience let out an appreciative chuckle.

"I don't know how it's possible, but my other good friend Remus tells me that there are people that don't know me, though how they missed my handsome face is a mystery to me." Remus rolled his eyes exasperatedly, wondering how he could've hoped for even a second that Sirius would chose this day to act mature. "My name is Sirius Black," Sirius paused, "Yeah I don't know what my parents were thinking either when they named me that, seeing as I am neither one of those." Lily muttered something about corny jokes as James sent his mate a glare—it wouldn't be that last one Sirius would receive that evening.

"Anyway, I think James wants me to get along with this but I would like to take a second to acknowledge how important this day really is. I mean other than the fact that Lily finally gave in to James' nonexistent charm, today is the day that James has finally admitted that I am indeed the _best _man." He winked at James who looked as if he was fighting between exasperation and amusement.

"Well I met James on our first day of Hogwarts along with Remus and Peter and I must say we hit it off immediately—in a totally non-sexual way of course," he added as an afterthought. "We were pranking Slytherins, cracking jokes, getting detention, proving our manliness—that was mostly James," James smacked the canine animagus, "and you know generally just living the life of a boy. But alas," he shook his hand in mock sadness, "it was all too good to last. For in third year, it all changed. In third year, James became—he became a girl." Sirius looked around the audience, still shaking his head, "I know ladies and gentlemen, I was shocked too. But what could I say? James was singing Celestina Warbeck, writing romantic love poems…. He even started keeping a diary where he wrote about his deepest, darkest desires. In fact, I actually have one of his first journal entries right _here_." Sirius pulled out a rumpled piece of paper from his robe pocket while James just stared openmouthed as Sirius started to read.

" 'Dear Diary,

I think I'm in love. I've fallen and there's no ladder back out, I'm in for good. The girl—her name is Lily Evans. She has the most beautiful red hair, it's so smooth, it's like a banana peel. And her eyes—they're like cucumbers that sparkle, if you know cucumbers sparkled. I'd tell you more but Sirius is mocking me. Gotta go prove my manliness to him… again.

Yours truly,

James Potter' "

"I never wrote that!" James cried out furiously as Sirius finished reading the last sentence.

"Of course you didn't. There must just be someone else in this world that has the _exact same _handwriting as you and thinks banana peels are smooth" Lily said, reading over the paper she had snatched from Sirius. "Thanks for this by the way," she added to him. "Do you have any more?"

Sirius nodded, smirking. "I'll give 'em to you later. Anyway," he turned to the guests again, "after that, James wouldn't talk about anything but Lily. Evans' legs are so sexy, Evans' voice is so beautiful, Evans this, Evans that. So Remus, Peter, and I, being the good friends we are, decided it was time to take action. And thus was born Operation Get James and Flower Together. We met every Monday in the Room of Requirement and of course I was captain. You're welcome mate," he added to James, who was grinning despite himself.

"So our first, but certainly not last attempt to get the two together was to send Lily singing lilies signed from James. At the time of course, we weren't aware that Lily not only hated lilies, but also hated the Weird Sisters. So when the lilies started singing 'Make Love to Me' it didn't fare well with Lily. Not mention that the flowers wouldn't shut up until she said yes. Needless to our first attempt was a fail.

People say I'd take a cruciactus for you, but I along with the rest of the marauders can proudly say, that we _have_ taken torture for James. The things Lily did," he clasped his heart with his hands, "they wound me. Physically and mentally. I won't bore you with the details of how she hexed my manliness off of me—no I'm not going to tell you what that means but I do wish you two the best of luck in life and hope you have lots of great sex after this." He looked at James. "Mate, I know I'm supposed to reassure you but I can't say much. Though I _did _here from a few special somebodies," he winked at Lily's friends who were standing in the corner in their bridesmaid dresses, "that Lily used to keep them up at night with stories of you." He put on a ridiculously high voice, "Oh Alice, have you seen that Potter's arse, it's so round and I'm sure it feels marvelous. Oh Marlene, did he always look that fine?" Sirius fanned his face with his hand. "I don't think I can stand it anymore."

Lily looked furious. She turned angrily on her bridesmaids. "You _told _him?" she asked incredulously.

They shook their heads, confused, Sirius however looked satisfied as he smirked at said bride. "Calm down now, Flower they didn't tell me anything. I just happened to take a miraculously good guess. And it turns out I was right." He turned to the audience, secretly glad that looks couldn't kill. "Here that? Lily Evans, soon to be Potter used to talk about the very same Potter's arse." Lily spluttered indignantly.

"Anyway," Sirius said returning his attention to James who also looked incredibly smug. "I don't know how to end this thing or how to really reassure you. I do know however that Flower said there are many people she'd rather date than you so I really don't know what she's doing here but I guess the Giant Squid really was taken."

And Sirius said no more for Lily had now abandoned any lady-like behavior and was full out chasing Sirius around the hall.

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><p><strong>After all that chasing Sirius around, I'm sure Lily would appreciate if you left fanfiction her a review XD<strong>


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